February 9, 2014

Bitcoiners Upset at Apple Understand Neither Apple's Business Model nor Bitcoin

Filed under: Uncategorized — @ 12:00 a.m.
Bitcoiners Upset at Apple Understand Neither Apple's Business Model nor Bitcoin

People love to be a part of things.

You seem to have gotten your panties into a bunch over a whole lotta nothing, kids. Listen up, and you might learn something about how business and cryptocurrencies work.

Apple removed another Bitcoin walletfrom their closed platform1, inadvertently2 kicking over the anthill3 of Apple-fanboi-cum-Bitcoin-fanboi impotent rage.

Your anger is a clear indication that you don't understand the world, and your directing it against Apple confirms the case as far as I'm concerned. What you fail to understand about the business environment is that the mobile companies are in a desperate bid to hoover up as much of the mobile payments space as they possibly can. In Apple's case, this entails forcing everyone who writes software for their platform to sign over 30% of all sales made to Apple.

Bitcoins are prohibited on the Apple phones because they're completely uninterdictable. Apple cannot force the user of a naive Bitcoin wallet to send 30% of each transaction to Apple because that's 31 different flavors of both insane and stupid. Insane on Apple's part to expect a consumer to voluntarily fork over 30% of everything they buy via phone, and stupid on the consumer's part to entertain the notion of ever complying with this closed-platform bullshit.

UPDATE: My partner insists that I correct myself:

  • You can buy shoes from the Zappos app and books from the Amazon app
  • The troll-toll only applies to in-app consumables, and subscriptions to content

This is the different between a computer that you own and a device that you're renting: you can install software freely on the one but not the latter. In the case of the former, you're free to install wallets of whatever Doge-y provenance you feel inspired to, and in the case of the latter, you're at your corporate master's mercy as to which payment methods they'll sanction your use of.

Furthermore, putting bitcoins on your phone is probably the goddamn stupidest thing that I've ever heard of. Bitcoins are going to be the world's reserve currency4, and as such fated to rise to prices per coin that dwarf even the outlandish Winklevoss' most media-hungry "predictions". To leave such a precious commodity within reach of anyone with a USB cable5 and a gun to scare you off your phone is the height of idiocy.

So if you're upset at Apple for kicking another Bitcoin wallet off of their platform, you obviously don't understand their business. If you're keeping your coins on your phone (be it iOS, Android or Moz-wafer), you deserve all the heartache coming your way.



The use of "drop" is interesting in this context. It implies all of the sports stuff, where a player is either good for the team or bad, and if they're bad they get dropped. Bitcoin apps aren't "players" on the Apple team - they're software that is either allowed to run on the proprietary Apple platform or it's not. Perhaps a more accurate word to use in this context would be "removed".


Inadvertently because seriously who cares about these people enough to think about how one's business decisions will impact their emotions.


It's a tortured metaphor, but the people who care about this sort of trivial consumer-grade shit don't matter and as such are ants. It's an anthill because well, this kind of shtush isn't a mountain by any stretch of the imagination, and molehill doesn't bring to mind the kind of seething insectoid imagery that these "bitcoiners" should really evoke.


This most emphatically does not mean that they'll be the worlds exchanged currency. The "honor" of paying Joe Sixpack's bills will always fall to the fiat script of his local dictator, be that the Tyrant of North America or your local Bitlord. Bitcoins are too valuable and dangerous and tricky to be entrusted to humans who don't understand the risks involved.


Did you know that most phones in circulation can be imaged just by plugging them in? The iOS devices have gotten better about this but do you really want to test Apple's security? Do you really want to trust Apple with your precious coins? I didn't think so.

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